we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize