I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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