I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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