question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
