I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I could fuck to npr.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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