If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
