I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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