Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
