So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
