Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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