and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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