i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
