i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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