i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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