just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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