I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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