and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
