Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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