My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
