Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
