her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
