how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
