I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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