FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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