Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
