We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
