You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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