Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
