My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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