Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
