Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think my moral compass just broke
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize