If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
