he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
