When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize