I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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