haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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