Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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