I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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