he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Randomize
