Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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