The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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