if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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