If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
