I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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