Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
