just tell him i said nine months
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
