I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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