You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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