i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
