Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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