I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
