Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
