we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
