is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
