I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
