we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
