this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
