Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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