i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
