I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
