I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize