I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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