his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think your dad took our porno
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize