How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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