This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
