Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
