I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
